Living a full life

One of the more difficult (IMHO) parts of normal eating is building a life you love and that fulfills you.  This is so difficult because I don't know what it is that would fulfill me and it's a tough journey trying to figure it out.  It really shouldn't be that hard, or doesn't sound like it should be, but it is!  I find myself reading facebook and blogs and seeing how others are figuring this out and I get really frustrated because it appears they are doing so much to live a full life and I am doing nothing!

Just took five deep breaths and reminded myself that I am doing my very best.  I want so many things and feel like the job I am in really stops me from doing what I want.  It's really me that stops me I suppose.

Maybe what I need is a little dose of what my life is right now and what I AM doing...

• I am raising a beautiful little 18 month old boy
• I am growing a baby girl to be born in June 2013
• I have written about 50 pages of a screenplay
• I have a good job doing something I am good at
• I am attempting to write a blog
• I am working on normal eating and my own emotional growth and development
• I am reading a book
• I just completed and continue to work on sleep training a toddler
• I am helping my husband find a job in another city and contemplating a move

Here are some things I would like:

• Complete my screenplay before the baby is born
• Get my training certification before the baby is born
• Apply to grad school
• Take lots of pictures
• Continue to work on blogging
• Attend a blogging conference, maybe BlogHer??

I know this is something I constantly battle with, I have this idea in my head that everyone else is living the life that they dream of and I am not.  Is this true?  When something is no longer working, that is when you have to take some risks and try something new and I feel like I am not taking any risks.  And that is what creates excitement, right?  And it does!  It has been a long time since I tried for something.  Now that's a thought I will continue to ponder.

Fear

I am sitting here frustrated with the state of things in my career but so afraid to take a step in any direction.  I want so many things, I have so many ideas, but I lack the confidence to believe that any one of them will work out.  I think it's because there are so many things about my life that haven't worked out.  I look back on the many decisions that I regret.

On the flip side there are so many that I don't regret! 

And yet, here I sit in fear.  It's a new place for me and I am not comfortable with it.  I just don't want to take a risk and waste a bunch of money that I didn't have. 

How do I get over the fear?  How do I move forward?  I don't want to keep going on like I have been...I WANT change.  But the fear grips me.  How do I feel the fear and do it anyway?

Lovingly let go of old coping skills

I have so many ideas, so many blogs, so many thoughts, racing through my head all the time.  I was feeling overwhelmed with figuring out how and where to share the multiple facets of my personality and I realized, they all really fall under this category, because normal eating or intuitive eating is about so much more than food.  In fact, the food issues are what prompted me to seek out help and the help I got was not even really about food.  First it was about feeling and managing emotions.  Over time, it became about finding a life I could love, discovering myself, really.

We are all born into a world where we have certain challenges.  And we find ways to cope with those challenges, many times they aren't very healthy.  As we grow older, those unhealthy skills we developed start to affect our adult life in ways we don't like.  For example, eating to cope and becoming overweight. 

Becoming mentally healthy meant putting those skills under a microscope, deciding if I still needed them (I didn't) and then going through the process of finding healthier ways to handle challenges.

As an adult I have so many more tools and resources so those unhealthy skills and coping mechanisms can be left behind, packed up and lovingly shoved out to the open sea.  They did me a good service when I needed them, and I did need them, but can now be set free to make way for something new, something healthy.

It's a new world and it is a little scary.  Scary to let go of those things that got me through some very tough times.  But on the other side must be something more.  A world I can't even imagine.  And the best part is that I still have it to discover.  I get to discover who I am, what I like, what I love, what I dislike, and it's all about me.  It's not about anyone else in my life.  I am an adult, I get to decide. 

So that is what I will post here.