Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Should I ask for help?

After reading Roni's post today about being exposed, I wanted to go back and watch the video about vulnerability again because it seems as though Roni is living proof of exactly what was being talked about.  And I wanted to write down some key points that really stood out to me.
The biggest one, of course, is: 
Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle of worthiness but it’s also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, love.
You cannot selectively numb emotion.  Unless we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we won't be able to feel the full spectrum of emotions.  That in itself makes me want to try.

But what does it mean to me to be vulnerable? 

Here's a silly thing that's been on my mind.  I don't really know how to clean.  I mean, I know how to pick up and wipe down the bathroom counter but I don't know how to mop a floor and wash dishes or how to stay on top of it all.  I don't know how to be organized and to motivate others in my family to be organized.  I have some ideas but I don't know how to put them into practice.

So I've been thinking about asking my sisters to give me their tips.  I kind of started this already with my oldest sister.  I asked her how she stays organized with her bills and with keeping her house organized.  It was kind of fun to get some tips from her and I bet she didn't even know her way of life was worthy of sharing! 

A few problems.  First, I have to ask for the help.  Second, I have to risk being laughed at.  I'm sure both of them will think it's weird.  So all of that is uncomfortable.

Ultimately I don't feel that silly for not knowing these things.  I just didn't pick them up anywhere along the way.  And the things I did pick up are apparently not the way to do it anymore.  But I am curious and willing to learn.

I guess this comes down to being willing to look stupid.  Being willing to show that I don't know it all already and that I need help or guidance.  Having the courage to be imperfect.  Being VULNERABLE! LOL

I hate it.  I usually want to avoid it at all costs and here I go, throwing myself into the middle of it.  And if they mock me, I will just say, "I know this might sound silly but I just never learned these things.  I'd love to get your help."  After that it's just mean to mock, right?

Monday, October 7, 2013

Vulnerability, the key to a well-lived life

I watched this video today (posted on the Food and Feelings Yahoo board) and it opened my eyes to how important being vulnerable is to living a full, well-rounded life. And how having connection to others is the point of this madness we call life. I particularly liked the visual of "leaning into the pain" and how important that is to becoming emotionally mature. It gives me good reason to feel the fear and do it anyway.

Part of that is this blog. I feel fear about having a blog often. I have to wait for it to pass and sometimes that doesn't happen for a long time. But then I think about all the people I could help someday, and how it helps me when I post.  There are so many dieting blogs but that only scratches the surface of eating issues. And I know that. And I know that I would have loved to have a blog written by someone like me. So I decide all the time to be brave, lean into the fear, and come here and write.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Operation "I Don't Skip Workouts"

Success for 2/3 days!  I am going to look at that as success because both of those days I was in NO mood to exercise and saying this statement got me up out of the chair.  One time it was just before I went to bed just so I could say I did it.  I am going to keep at it!

As I was thinking about this morning, success doesn't come from doing things when I am motivated and excited, it comes from sticking it out and doing things even when I feel completely unmotivated and poopy.  In fact, I just finished doing lunges in my office and it was just the thing I needed to pull me out of a funk.

Hope everyone is having a moderately successful day!

Monday, September 30, 2013

A simple word change goes a long way!

I read a blog post about the difference between using the phrase "I can't" and "I don't" and how this simple change in self-talk can help us stick to our goals.  You can read the article here.

Using the phrase "I don't" helped 8 out of 10 subjects stick to their goals versus 1 out of 10 who used the phrase "I can't".  That is remarkable!

So I found my first challenge!  Every time I feel like skipping exercise, I will use the phrase "I don't".  I'll practice here:
  • I don't skip exercise.
I can see why this phrasing can be so effective because it comes from a place of power and choice.  I love it!    I think this small habit change will surely help me resist temptation and feel more empowered in achieving my goals.  And the great thing is that it can be used with any goal!

Anybody want to try this with me?

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Some days WILL be harder than others

When the going gets tough, I often quit.  I had a tough day yesterday breastfeeding because I had an irregular schedule and could only pump twice instead of three times.  I didn't manage my time well and didn't speak up when I needed to leave and pump.  I just kept my mouth shut and worried and got anxious.
Rather than see whatever is happening as a tough blip in the road, I see it as a behemoth problem and decide that the only solution is to quit.  It's such an automatic reaction, I completely blow things out of proportion and I have a hard time seeing the bigger picture.  At least in that moment.  I actually considered quitting breastfeeding and pumping yesterday because I had one tough day.
Sometimes I have to talk myself down, sometimes another person talks me down, but it is definitely a pattern and I am wondering if I have some underlying beliefs that are driving this compulsion. 
  • Irrational Belief #1: It's too hard.
  • IB #2: I will never be able to do this.
  • IB #3: I can't handle it.
  • IB #4: I am a bad person because I can't handle this.
  • IB #5: If it's hard I might as well quit.
Ooh, IB #4 really hit home for me, really drew some deep emotion out of me.  When I can't do something or it's hard, I immediately think it's a major flaw with me.  It's not just how life is for everyone, it's specific to me.  I just suck.
Let me go ahead and reframe these now:
  • Rational Belief #1: It's hard now but it will get easier. OR Some days will be harder than others.
  • RB #2: I may never be great at this but I will get better. OR It's hard now but it will get easier.
  • RB #3: I can handle it.  It's hard/tough but I can handle it.
  • RB #4: You are a good person whether you are good at something or not. OR You are a good person even if you suck at something.  OR I am a good person and I can handle it.
  • RB #5: If it's hard you can keep trying. OR It's hard now but it will get easier. FOLLOWED BY If it doesn't get easier, you can decide to stop.
  • RB #6: It's okay to suck at things.  Everyone does sometimes.
I read somewhere that "gifted" children often get easily frustrated because things come easily to them generally so if they struggle with something, they will get defeated very quickly.  I think this is me.  Normal eating is the first thing I've really tried to work on and it is HARD.  It's the only thing I've never thought about quitting, though :)

Just a Hoper

Today Karen's blog is titled Hope is not a Plan.  It really got me thinking.  I am a hoper without a plan.  In the back of my mind I believe that normal eating will just COME to me like snow falling from the sky.  Like it will just float down and envelope me without any particular action on my part.  It's not that I'm not working, but I may not be working hard enough.

This is partially why I am getting back to this blog.  I want to become more active in my approach to normal eating.  I want to objectively look at each of my habits one by one and begin to make a plan of action for each one.  I want to change each habit one by one until it becomes second nature.

The good news is that there was a time when I just felt completely overwhelmed by the idea of trying to change anything because I didn't think I had any regular habits.  I couldn't even imagine how I'd eliminate 200 calories from my daily diet.  I just didn't think I had any kind of consistency where I could remove those 200 calories and have it make any kind of impact.  I just figured I'd eat them at some other time of day.  But slowly I have come to understand and see my habits more clearly.  This is progress!

I will use this information and start small so that I can build my success.  I will become a Hoper with a Plan!